OFF BALANCE – EMOTIONS

I’ve been feeling off balance lately, more so on a roller-coaster. Career-wise, emotionally, and spiritually. Getting thrown off balance can make you feel more anxious than usual, you may be wanting to isolate yourself and just sleep, or you may even be falling into a slight state of depression. Doing so, we don’t realize how much of a toll we’re putting on our body, our brain, and our heart. As I’ve said multiple times, I am not here to give advice – I’m here to state the obvious and say things that you may possibly relate to. To create a community and let you know that it’s OK. When we hear it through another person, we don’t sound as crazy. Personally, emotions always take a toll on me, subconsciously. I say subconsciously because I don’t notice it. I make myself so busy that I ignore my own issues until someone relatively close to me brings it up. “I don’t think that’s healthy“, “Take a break from things“, or “Maybe you should take a breather“. I tend to get myself so deep into situations, that settling almost sounds better than climbing out of that dark hole that I’ve made myself extremely comfortable in. Where routine anxiety becomes a daily, or crying (for no reason) becomes a daily, or even just giving up on goals. That sh*t is not something to keep pushing to the side. Being off balance like that adds more stress because I’m constantly trying to figure out what is the root of all this. Or maybe I know the root but don’t want to come to terms with it. I don’t know about y’all but I talk to myself, and I also talk to God. I’ve put in so many prayer requests I know God is probably like “I heard you the first 100 times, I got you just chill and be patient”. Patience, a virtue.

Keeping a daily journal, I’ve realized that most of this stress and emotion isn’t actually brought on by work, health or finances. It’s brought on by another person. Yup, you guessed it – a man. Ah, good ole emotional stress (which I personally would say is the worst). Having someone in your life who makes you happy is truly a blessing, but letting that same person hurt you is NOT a blessing (the devil). LOL, all jokes aside…the situation that I’ve recently been entertaining has turned into an unhealthy one. I’m not talking about a person physically hurting you (don’t ignore that either), but mentally hurting and draining you. You think that when things are great, it outweighs the negatives. But those negatives start to build up, and you start taking small things more serious. Then thinking hmm, maybe I need to communicate more, we can fix this. Right? Because ultimately, you don’t want to lose this amazing person, who as of now has treated you better than all your bum a** exes. Once everything is fixed, you fall in love some more and enjoy the good times. Ahh but then something else happens, again……….and again……..and again. To the point where you’ve fixed it so much, it doesn’t even look the same way it did when you started. Personally up’s and down’s make me lose interest each time. BUT, I’m already in the situation thus far – why go back, just settle. It’ll get better, if I just do ____ or if he can just _____, well be OK. And THIS is where the line is drawn. Let that shit go.

As much as you want it to be, you can’t force things. If you’ve “fixed” it more than once, and the same issues are occurring – leave. Even if you don’t want to, even if you feel the person will change, or maybe you feel you’re the one that was “sent” to help them move forward. NO. Give it some space, for your own sake. Tearing yourself down to build another person up is NOT how life works. Who’s going to build you back up? Take a breather, stop forcing and let life flow.

It’s sounds easier on paper than in reality, trust me. I’m just now coming to terms with this after months of back and forth. Prior to this I was going back and forth with someone for 8ish years (first love issues). That shit is not worth it. You would think I’ve learned my lesson on trying to fix broken men – UH … NA.

As of recently, I’ve been practicing mindfulness, living in the present moment. Not trying to change the past or plan the future. It’s hard as sh*t, I’m a planner. I like to map everything out the way I want it to be (and yet it never turns out the way I want it to be). Instead, it turns out better than what I expected, but I am always so afraid of the unknown and where things are going that I NEED to have a plan. When in reality, all I needed was patience and faith. What’s for me was coming my way anyway. Coming to terms with those thoughts that I’ve pushed to the back of my mind, and ignoring my heart for a moment has made me look at myself from the outside in. If this was a situation your best friend was going through what would you do? What would you say to them? Exactly. Things would be switched around completely because your heart is not involved. The mind is such a powerful tool that we don’t even take complete advantage of. We’re so consumed by others and wanting them to be in control of our happiness, instead of US being in control.

If this sounds similar to a situation you’re in or a specific person has popped into your head, take a deep breath. Let it go, stop pushing things to your subconscious mind and face it. It’s uncomfortable, and you may have to grieve for a bit. If it’s not flowing, give it some space. Go on a detox from that person, see if your life has changed for the better (AND DON’T GO LURKING, it’s going to make you miserable). You’ll be fine, you were fine before.

Do you realize how magnificent you are?

Peace and Blessings,

DATING IS JADED

Dating, wherein this generation you don’t know if you’re dating, talking, talk-talking, or in a relationship. For most of us, we’re in a situationship or something that’s complicated. It’s to the point where for me, it’s just getting annoying. This continuous cycle that leads us nowhere is frustrating more than annoying. Yes, you meet people and make the most out of it but dang how many times are we supposed to do that? You meet someone who captures your attention, you talk for a few, get to know each other, go out on dates (if that), continue to talk and get reeled in and now you’re about 6/7 months deep into this situationship. Now, at this point is where things usually start to get funky because it’s like, are we together? Are we working toward something? What the hell is going on!? Ah, but you don’t want to be the one to start that “what are we” convo which will most likely lead to an argument. Then somewhere down the line, those arguments start to become more persistent and he vehemently says “but you’re not my girlfriend“. Ahh yes, the famous lines in a complicated situation.

Ladies tend to put their everything into a man who they potentially see themselves with for the long run. To grow with, pray with, and build with (like in the movies). You play the girlfriend role, and your ‘other’ may play the reverse role to fool you into thinking, hmm could this be something. Men expect us to be their girlfriend without being their girlfriend, or use the excuse of “why do we have to put titles on us“. Well, why not? If you act accordingly, call it what it is. My girlfriends and I have conversations pertaining to this topic constantly, mainly because we’re all going through some form of this bullsh*t. Nobody wants to keep pouring their heart into different people, which is why dating is overall jaded. But then I think to myself, if you try to hold back, you’re not yourself, you have a guard up and you just don’t have as much interest or energy to put into this potential person who may actually be worth it.

The sad thing about this is that it’s normalized so much that we are desensitized to how stupid it actually sounds. If you have close relations with the ones who’ve raised you and you try to explain what ‘talking’ is, they look at you with their face twisted up in puzzlement, because it sounds stupid beloved. I’m to the point where I just need to be alone until my potential partner either falls out of the sky or accidentally grabs the same box of organic green tea as me in the supermarket (like in that Black People Meet commercial). Can a girl dream? But in all seriousness, it’s not only annoying for us who do just want to be with one person (because that’s also another issue) but is annoying to be at the age where others (relatives) expect you to have someone in your life by now. “Any boyfriends?” First of all, I can’t even get one never mind the ‘S’ on the end for two. I think that the older generation asks these questions because way back when they were in their 20’s, they were already married with 5 kids and a home. I’ll pass on that right now while I defer pay off these student loans honey.

Those questions make you feel like something is wrong with you, let alone not having a man want to commit also makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you. As much as they stress to you that everything is great and it’s not you but, they’re just not ready for something serious. Yeah yeah yeah, continuously hearing this over and over makes you dive back into that feeling of insecurity. Granted, they may not be ready for something serious. It’s hard to exit a persons life when you’ve already invested so much into them to the point that you give them that leeway to come back for when they ARE ready. Investing in people is just as important as investing in money, by the way. Anyway, in the process of waiting for them, you still have no idea if they’re going to turn around and be with you or find someone else. Which leads me to time being wasted and the game of chance. And that’s the cycle, the cycle that’s irritating and repetitive.

You do know the problem really isn’t you, it’s actually the other person, right? It’s their problem they can’t commit, that they have insecurities, and that they can’t be monogamous. Although dating is irritating, focus on yourself at all times and be as selfish as you can with your time and your efforts. Until someone comes around earning the unconditional amount of care you offer, then fine. I’m still going through the trials and errors myself so I can’t give you advice, but I can tell you that you’re not the only one dealing with this tomfoolery. Don’t let social media brainwash you into thinking everyone is relationship goals or everyone is in a relationship period, and yet you’re the only one single dealing with incognito emotionally unstable clowns. Social media is not the answer so stop comparing. Honey, there are 7.5 billion people in this world and you have 2,000 Instagram followers (or maybe more but Beyoncé doesn’t even have 7.5 billion so chill). As impatient that you are and as annoyed you may be, you can only control what you can control. Focus on you and better yourself, especially if you have your own set of issues that you need to work on. You can always be better than who you already are. GROWTH beloved!!!

Peace & Blessings,

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