Toxicity, the quality of being toxic or poisonous. Sometimes we ignore the signs of toxicity in our own life. Maybe because we’re blinded emotionally or financially. A lot of the time we push ourselves to be better or to fix our self in a toxic situation. What can I do to fix this? Or, I need to change this about myself. When in actuality, it’s not you. It’s the situation you’re in. You can be in a toxic friendship, relationship, or even have toxic people constantly around you (yes, even family members can be toxic). Maybe it’s your job, because that can also play a big part in affecting your lifestyle in relation to toxicity. Yet we stay in these situations for multiple reasons including money, to be financially stable, to refrain from loneliness, expectations that a person will change, to have someone to care for and love, or to just have someone or something you can have possession of. Those may seem like valid reasons, but they shouldn’t be. It’s draining you of your happiness, or maybe you’re the one doing the draining.


Yes, you need that sh*t a** job because you have bills, a car, family etc. That’s all fine, but are you bringing home that dreadfulness from work to your family? Is it affecting your lifestyle? Most likely it is. You’re unhappy, and your aura is negative. Sometimes we have to make the best of the situation or get the hell out. Nobody wants to be around that complaining 24/7, you can keep all that negative energy to yourself or practice ways of ridding it from your daily routine (like working out after work, drawing, or meditating). Granted, we all complain, that’s a given. If you come home in a bad mood, every single day – that’s an issue beloved. The job market right now is trash or nobody wants to give you a chance (even with a degree). But this is only one phase of your life. You can’t keep giving up just because where you are now is “paying the bills”. Stop settling. Not everyone has the privilege of being grandfathered into a company or field. Keep an open mind and stop spreading that negativity. It’s not going to make you feel any better if YOU aren’t doing anything about it. If you are doing something about it, have patience. It may come the next day, or it may come in 6 months. Its the perspective you have and how you speak it into existence.


Now whether it is a friendship or a significant other, we sometimes look past the bad and keep them in a little ball of sunshine. Things they say may hurt our feelings, and we continue to stay in relations because “maybe they are just having a bad day”. Yet those bad days happen pretty often. Maybe they make you feel insecure, in denial, emotional, or even crazy. That my friend is a toxic situation. BUT, you stay because eventually it balances out and they do something that makes you extremely happy or pleased, they then apologize or snap back into a better mood. Mood swings happen with people, it’s understandable (sh*t pisses us off). It shouldn’t happen often with someone you love (including your friends and family). Words are one of the strongest weapons. If all someone says to you is in a negative light, stop interacting with that person, or bring it to your own attention. Stop dusting it under the rug – take note that this person is lowkey hurting you. Even if it’s the slightest things like “wow you’re breaking out really bad”. Now I’m not saying just this alone is toxic, but if they’re constantly putting you down – that’s a no-no. First, never let anyone disrespect you. Especially in a relationship, we are equal. You give respect you get respect. Second, realize when a person is taking advantage of you, in all relationships. Whether if they put pity on themselves and make you feel bad (because you’re a good person). Don’t fall for that “poor me syndrome“, it’s fraud beloved. If you were to look at the situation from another perspective, would you want your friend going through that? Would you think it’s logical? Or are you just being a dummy? Be real. We’ve all been in that dummy position before, but it’s time to get out if you’re still there. It’s not worth it, leave.

We get stuck with people because of comfort, company, and time. There are people we’ve known for a few years, bonded with, grew up with, or maybe have known them all of our life. We grow up, we evolve and we change. It’s up to you to leave or distance yourself for a while. You might notice a difference, and if you do…then that toxicity has left with that person. Another category is someone who keeps you company. You don’t want to be lonely so you keep this person around, even if it’s toxic and unhealthy. Maybe you can vent to this person, or someone you stay on the phone with while you both do different things without even really speaking. Yet this person always seems to bring you down or test your patience. You have a gut feeling knowing it isn’t going to go anywhere, but they keep you company. All company is not good company. It’s also a waste of time, and wasted time is toxic. Last we have comfort. We become so used to having this person around, you become totally oblivious to things they say to you and you start to accept it as “oh that’s just how they are”. No. Don’t let love, love of a friend, spouse, or family member – make you blind to the fact that you are being treated like sh*t and it’s affecting your happiness and emotions. Again, this goes with letting others alter your mood. You may think you’re fine, but subconsciously – are you really? You’re so used to it, you blame it on yourself. Maybe you’re texting them too much, maybe they need their space, or maybe you should put the shoe on the other foot. If you were to treat them the way they treated you, how would they react? They most definitely would see a difference, and they probably wouldn’t like it. Now I’m not here to give advice, and I’ve said this before. I’ve gone through situations and I’m still in the midst of going through these situations. Realizing toxicity can be the wake-up call that your mind and spirit is craving for. Once you let go and rid all that negativity out of your life, you’re going to feel like you drank a mug full of flat tummy tea ( I don’t know what that feels like but I’m guessing it leaves you feeling cleansed right?).

If you take anything from this post, I hope you realize whether or not if you are in a toxic relationship/situation with a friend, cousin, co-worker, boyfriend, girlfriend – whomever! OR, if you’re the toxic one. Just know, it’s OK to distance yourself. It’s also OK to leave completely and evolve into a happier person. Listen man, keep anything toxic out of your life. People, food, deodorant, ALL OF IT.

Keep that same energy

Peace & Blessings,

Olivia Alexis

Jersey raised millennial, working in Corporate America spreading love, light and insight.

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