LACK OF:

It’s been a while y’all, but your girl is back. It’s been a long month. Besides me trying to get back on track with blogging, I wanted to do a semi-simple post around the topic of commitment and the lack of trust. After talking to a few of my good friends (who are basically now cousins by association), I’ve realized that not only is dating non-existent in this generation – but commitment is such a rare thing to come across. I’m not talking about marriage, but just a simple relationship with commitment, or some may call it “exclusively dating”. Being betrayed in the past can cause this to become a larger issue than what it already is. Many of us have been betrayed by an ex-companion or current. Having that on your back is so draining, but what’s worse is when you bring that issue into your next relationship. Not being able to trust, snooping around, being jealous, and just working yourself up about everything is extremely unhealthy, let alone stressful. How can one overcome this? I’m trying to figure that out myself. Less ‘lurking’ or thinking about a situation may help, but also talking to your partner and keeping things real with each other can be extremely effective, especially if you explain your past to them (but sometimes they can use that against you, be wise). Do you see what I mean? You never really know. It’s gotten to the point where you have to do a google search of people, kind of like you’re preparing for a job interview. The internet, phones and social media have made things so much harder for people to trust and so much easier for people to get caught up. Sometimes you really have to stop and think, am I crazy?

Now some of y’all might just be crazy (no shade), but the rest of us are just apprehensive, hopeful and guarded. Nothing personal towards a new interest, but we’ve just been through some sh*t – and that’s ok! As I said, I’m not sure how to solve issues like such…but I’m working on it. A person can give you clear signs on what they ultimately want from you, despite the growing phase – sooner or later commitment has to come into play. Reading articles with advice such as, stop snooping and looking into everything, go with the flow because the truth will prevail………yeahhhhhhhh, but I want the truth now. Which is where most of us fail to abide by, hence the craziness kicking in. If you have to do all of that to feel relieved and trustworthy of a person, do you really think that’s healthy? Is it worth it? Now if the person is helping you, making you feel comfortable about expressing yourself, GREAT – but if they feed into believing that you’re crazy for being cautious, then maybe that’s not the person you’re supposed to be with. Think about it. When you’re young, sh*t isn’t sweet. This is the time for failures, this is the time for mistakes, and this is the time for lessons to be learned. Love can be deep, not as deep as the ocean but close to it. You really don’t know how deep you’re going until you look back to shore and realize, damn! An accurate metaphor, but back to it. If you’re getting older and this is continuously happening, it may be time to speak to a licensed therapist (post about therapy coming soon). Seriously though, take your time, smell the flowers, and make memories. Life is TOO SHORT. Work on bettering yourself so that when you do find a companion, only good things will come out of it.

“Life is too short to be wishing for things that have been proven by many to be achievable.”

Edmond Mbiaka

Peace & Blessings,

Olivia Alexis

Jersey raised millennial, working in Corporate America spreading love, light and insight.

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