I’ve been feeling off balance lately, more so on a roller-coaster. Career-wise, emotionally, and spiritually. Getting thrown off balance can make you feel more anxious than usual, you may be wanting to isolate yourself and just sleep, or you may even be falling into a slight state of depression. Doing so, we don’t realize how much of a toll we’re putting on our body, our brain, and our heart. As I’ve said multiple times, I am not here to give advice – I’m here to state the obvious and say things that you may possibly relate to. To create a community and let you know that it’s OK. When we hear it through another person, we don’t sound as crazy. Personally, emotions always take a toll on me, subconsciously. I say subconsciously because I don’t notice it. I make myself so busy that I ignore my own issues until someone relatively close to me brings it up. “I don’t think that’s healthy“, “Take a break from things“, or “Maybe you should take a breather“. I tend to get myself so deep into situations, that settling almost sounds better than climbing out of that dark hole that I’ve made myself extremely comfortable in. Where routine anxiety becomes a daily, or crying (for no reason) becomes a daily, or even just giving up on goals. That sh*t is not something to keep pushing to the side. Being off balance like that adds more stress because I’m constantly trying to figure out what is the root of all this. Or maybe I know the root but don’t want to come to terms with it. I don’t know about y’all but I talk to myself, and I also talk to God. I’ve put in so many prayer requests I know God is probably like “I heard you the first 100 times, I got you just chill and be patient”. Patience, a virtue.

Keeping a daily journal, I’ve realized that most of this stress and emotion isn’t actually brought on by work, health or finances. It’s brought on by another person. Yup, you guessed it – a man. Ah, good ole emotional stress (which I personally would say is the worst). Having someone in your life who makes you happy is truly a blessing, but letting that same person hurt you is NOT a blessing (the devil). LOL, all jokes aside…the situation that I’ve recently been entertaining has turned into an unhealthy one. I’m not talking about a person physically hurting you (don’t ignore that either), but mentally hurting and draining you. You think that when things are great, it outweighs the negatives. But those negatives start to build up, and you start taking small things more serious. Then thinking hmm, maybe I need to communicate more, we can fix this. Right? Because ultimately, you don’t want to lose this amazing person, who as of now has treated you better than all your bum a** exes. Once everything is fixed, you fall in love some more and enjoy the good times. Ahh but then something else happens, again……….and again……..and again. To the point where you’ve fixed it so much, it doesn’t even look the same way it did when you started. Personally up’s and down’s make me lose interest each time. BUT, I’m already in the situation thus far – why go back, just settle. It’ll get better, if I just do ____ or if he can just _____, well be OK. And THIS is where the line is drawn. Let that shit go.

As much as you want it to be, you can’t force things. If you’ve “fixed” it more than once, and the same issues are occurring – leave. Even if you don’t want to, even if you feel the person will change, or maybe you feel you’re the one that was “sent” to help them move forward. NO. Give it some space, for your own sake. Tearing yourself down to build another person up is NOT how life works. Who’s going to build you back up? Take a breather, stop forcing and let life flow.

It’s sounds easier on paper than in reality, trust me. I’m just now coming to terms with this after months of back and forth. Prior to this I was going back and forth with someone for 8ish years (first love issues). That shit is not worth it. You would think I’ve learned my lesson on trying to fix broken men – UH … NA.

As of recently, I’ve been practicing mindfulness, living in the present moment. Not trying to change the past or plan the future. It’s hard as sh*t, I’m a planner. I like to map everything out the way I want it to be (and yet it never turns out the way I want it to be). Instead, it turns out better than what I expected, but I am always so afraid of the unknown and where things are going that I NEED to have a plan. When in reality, all I needed was patience and faith. What’s for me was coming my way anyway. Coming to terms with those thoughts that I’ve pushed to the back of my mind, and ignoring my heart for a moment has made me look at myself from the outside in. If this was a situation your best friend was going through what would you do? What would you say to them? Exactly. Things would be switched around completely because your heart is not involved. The mind is such a powerful tool that we don’t even take complete advantage of. We’re so consumed by others and wanting them to be in control of our happiness, instead of US being in control.

If this sounds similar to a situation you’re in or a specific person has popped into your head, take a deep breath. Let it go, stop pushing things to your subconscious mind and face it. It’s uncomfortable, and you may have to grieve for a bit. If it’s not flowing, give it some space. Go on a detox from that person, see if your life has changed for the better (AND DON’T GO LURKING, it’s going to make you miserable). You’ll be fine, you were fine before.

Do you realize how magnificent you are?

Peace and Blessings,

Ladies, the obstacles of womanhood are far more than break-ups, child bearing, bra shopping, or finding the right companion. Besides trying to break the glass ceiling, make six figures, build a business, and possibly write a book – we all have that ONE disturbance (no, I’m not talking about a man), but Mother Nature. Something so taboo, but why? Why are menstrual cycles, methods of birth control and pap-smears so hush-hush? I mean seriously, we all get (or have gotten) a menstrual cycle and most of us have a “lady doctor“.

Taking care of yourself downstairs is something you should ALWAYS be concerned about. Whether if everything looks clear, but especially if things are starting to get funky sis. Not only should you be the one checking things out, but so should your OBGYN. On average, it’s recommended that a woman should get her ‘check-up’ about every 2-3 years or so.

Something we tend to ignore that I just came across about 8 or 9 months ago is organic pads/tampons. We tend to use those brands that we see on commercials like Always or Tampax – but have you read what they’re made out of? Honey. After doing my own research, I switched to organic products IMMEDIATELY. It doesn’t take me long to realize that something is clearly bad for my body and toxic. Yes, we’ve been using it for years – but do you see how many women are suffering from cervical cancer, infertility, and hormone disruption? Our lymph nodes are open to all of those chemical fibers that pads/tampons are made with and we are literally putting them inside of us. Especially the one ingredient that rubbed me the wrong way, bleach. Yes, bleach. Now other than it being completely terrible, I thought “hmm, does this have an effect on my overall symptoms?”. I personally have always gotten terrible cramps and pains, once switching over to organic cotton pads/tampons – I’ve noticed a huge change. Now I’m not saying I don’t get cramps (because I still have to pop an Aleve on day 1) but it has subdued my pain tremendously along with regulating my cycle. This post isn’t to convince you to switch to organic pads but to make you aware of what you are putting into/near your body and lymph nodes. The same thing goes for deodorant (but that’s another post). Do your research and figure out if this is something you want to continue to ride out with. The bleach was enough for me to switch – it wasn’t easy for many reasons. One being that the brand Always is in every store, while organic pads are not. Sometimes you just have to find your hook up, mine happens to be Target. The brands I recommend (especially for my heavy friends) is a brand called L. and a more common brand Nature’s Promise. The thing about L. is that you can order online, in-store, and even have a monthly delivery set up (which is pretty dope). Again, not trying to convince you – just trying to make sure you are aware of what you put down there.

Not only does this go for pads, but feminine wipes, washes, and soaps are also SUPER important. Your PH should always be a concern (which can be affected by what you eat as well). Check ingredients on labels, don’t use those super scented soaps, douches, and washes down there, that’s a no-no (hello yeast). Nobody wants a fishy, unhealthy, contaminated Yoni – nor a Yoni that is prone to more issues and diseases. Check labels, research, and switch to something that is Yoni friendly. You’ll feel better, and be thanked by your future self.

“I have a brain and a uterus, and I use both.”

Patricia Schroeder

Peace & Blessings,

L. Organic Cotton & Chlorine-Free Pads, Regular Absorbency with Ultra Thin Design

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Toxicity, the quality of being toxic or poisonous. Sometimes we ignore the signs of toxicity in our own life. Maybe because we’re blinded emotionally or financially. A lot of the time we push ourselves to be better or to fix our self in a toxic situation. What can I do to fix this? Or, I need to change this about myself. When in actuality, it’s not you. It’s the situation you’re in. You can be in a toxic friendship, relationship, or even have toxic people constantly around you (yes, even family members can be toxic). Maybe it’s your job, because that can also play a big part in affecting your lifestyle in relation to toxicity. Yet we stay in these situations for multiple reasons including money, to be financially stable, to refrain from loneliness, expectations that a person will change, to have someone to care for and love, or to just have someone or something you can have possession of. Those may seem like valid reasons, but they shouldn’t be. It’s draining you of your happiness, or maybe you’re the one doing the draining.

Financially,

Yes, you need that sh*t a** job because you have bills, a car, family etc. That’s all fine, but are you bringing home that dreadfulness from work to your family? Is it affecting your lifestyle? Most likely it is. You’re unhappy, and your aura is negative. Sometimes we have to make the best of the situation or get the hell out. Nobody wants to be around that complaining 24/7, you can keep all that negative energy to yourself or practice ways of ridding it from your daily routine (like working out after work, drawing, or meditating). Granted, we all complain, that’s a given. If you come home in a bad mood, every single day – that’s an issue beloved. The job market right now is trash or nobody wants to give you a chance (even with a degree). But this is only one phase of your life. You can’t keep giving up just because where you are now is “paying the bills”. Stop settling. Not everyone has the privilege of being grandfathered into a company or field. Keep an open mind and stop spreading that negativity. It’s not going to make you feel any better if YOU aren’t doing anything about it. If you are doing something about it, have patience. It may come the next day, or it may come in 6 months. Its the perspective you have and how you speak it into existence.

Emotionally,

Now whether it is a friendship or a significant other, we sometimes look past the bad and keep them in a little ball of sunshine. Things they say may hurt our feelings, and we continue to stay in relations because “maybe they are just having a bad day”. Yet those bad days happen pretty often. Maybe they make you feel insecure, in denial, emotional, or even crazy. That my friend is a toxic situation. BUT, you stay because eventually it balances out and they do something that makes you extremely happy or pleased, they then apologize or snap back into a better mood. Mood swings happen with people, it’s understandable (sh*t pisses us off). It shouldn’t happen often with someone you love (including your friends and family). Words are one of the strongest weapons. If all someone says to you is in a negative light, stop interacting with that person, or bring it to your own attention. Stop dusting it under the rug – take note that this person is lowkey hurting you. Even if it’s the slightest things like “wow you’re breaking out really bad”. Now I’m not saying just this alone is toxic, but if they’re constantly putting you down – that’s a no-no. First, never let anyone disrespect you. Especially in a relationship, we are equal. You give respect you get respect. Second, realize when a person is taking advantage of you, in all relationships. Whether if they put pity on themselves and make you feel bad (because you’re a good person). Don’t fall for that “poor me syndrome“, it’s fraud beloved. If you were to look at the situation from another perspective, would you want your friend going through that? Would you think it’s logical? Or are you just being a dummy? Be real. We’ve all been in that dummy position before, but it’s time to get out if you’re still there. It’s not worth it, leave.

We get stuck with people because of comfort, company, and time. There are people we’ve known for a few years, bonded with, grew up with, or maybe have known them all of our life. We grow up, we evolve and we change. It’s up to you to leave or distance yourself for a while. You might notice a difference, and if you do…then that toxicity has left with that person. Another category is someone who keeps you company. You don’t want to be lonely so you keep this person around, even if it’s toxic and unhealthy. Maybe you can vent to this person, or someone you stay on the phone with while you both do different things without even really speaking. Yet this person always seems to bring you down or test your patience. You have a gut feeling knowing it isn’t going to go anywhere, but they keep you company. All company is not good company. It’s also a waste of time, and wasted time is toxic. Last we have comfort. We become so used to having this person around, you become totally oblivious to things they say to you and you start to accept it as “oh that’s just how they are”. No. Don’t let love, love of a friend, spouse, or family member – make you blind to the fact that you are being treated like sh*t and it’s affecting your happiness and emotions. Again, this goes with letting others alter your mood. You may think you’re fine, but subconsciously – are you really? You’re so used to it, you blame it on yourself. Maybe you’re texting them too much, maybe they need their space, or maybe you should put the shoe on the other foot. If you were to treat them the way they treated you, how would they react? They most definitely would see a difference, and they probably wouldn’t like it. Now I’m not here to give advice, and I’ve said this before. I’ve gone through situations and I’m still in the midst of going through these situations. Realizing toxicity can be the wake-up call that your mind and spirit is craving for. Once you let go and rid all that negativity out of your life, you’re going to feel like you drank a mug full of flat tummy tea ( I don’t know what that feels like but I’m guessing it leaves you feeling cleansed right?).

If you take anything from this post, I hope you realize whether or not if you are in a toxic relationship/situation with a friend, cousin, co-worker, boyfriend, girlfriend – whomever! OR, if you’re the toxic one. Just know, it’s OK to distance yourself. It’s also OK to leave completely and evolve into a happier person. Listen man, keep anything toxic out of your life. People, food, deodorant, ALL OF IT.

Keep that same energy

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Peace & Blessings,