Sex & The City – TALK LOVELY

WHAT’S DOWNSTAIRS ISN’T TABOO: FEM HYGIENE

March 29, 2019March 29, 2019Sex & The City, WellnessLeave a Comment

Ladies, the obstacles of womanhood are far more than break-ups, child bearing, bra shopping, or finding the right companion. Besides trying to break the glass ceiling, make six figures, build a business, and possibly write a book – we all have that ONE disturbance (no, I’m not talking about a man), but Mother Nature. Something so taboo, but why? Why are menstrual cycles, methods of birth control and pap-smears so hush-hush? I mean seriously, we all get (or have gotten) a menstrual cycle and most of us have a “lady doctor“.

Taking care of yourself downstairs is something you should ALWAYS be concerned about. Whether if everything looks clear, but especially if things are starting to get funky sis. Not only should you be the one checking things out, but so should your OBGYN. On average, it’s recommended that a woman should get her ‘check-up’ about every 2-3 years or so.

Something we tend to ignore that I just came across about 8 or 9 months ago is organic pads/tampons. We tend to use those brands that we see on commercials like Always or Tampax – but have you read what they’re made out of? Honey. After doing my own research, I switched to organic products IMMEDIATELY. It doesn’t take me long to realize that something is clearly bad for my body and toxic. Yes, we’ve been using it for years – but do you see how many women are suffering from cervical cancer, infertility, and hormone disruption? Our lymph nodes are open to all of those chemical fibers that pads/tampons are made with and we are literally putting them inside of us. Especially the one ingredient that rubbed me the wrong way, bleach. Yes, bleach. Now other than it being completely terrible, I thought “hmm, does this have an effect on my overall symptoms?”. I personally have always gotten terrible cramps and pains, once switching over to organic cotton pads/tampons – I’ve noticed a huge change. Now I’m not saying I don’t get cramps (because I still have to pop an Aleve on day 1) but it has subdued my pain tremendously along with regulating my cycle. This post isn’t to convince you to switch to organic pads but to make you aware of what you are putting into/near your body and lymph nodes. The same thing goes for deodorant (but that’s another post). Do your research and figure out if this is something you want to continue to ride out with. The bleach was enough for me to switch – it wasn’t easy for many reasons. One being that the brand Always is in every store, while organic pads are not. Sometimes you just have to find your hook up, mine happens to be Target. The brands I recommend (especially for my heavy friends) is a brand called L. and a more common brand Nature’s Promise. The thing about L. is that you can order online, in-store, and even have a monthly delivery set up (which is pretty dope). Again, not trying to convince you – just trying to make sure you are aware of what you put down there.

Not only does this go for pads, but feminine wipes, washes, and soaps are also SUPER important. Your PH should always be a concern (which can be affected by what you eat as well). Check ingredients on labels, don’t use those super scented soaps, douches, and washes down there, that’s a no-no (hello yeast). Nobody wants a fishy, unhealthy, contaminated Yoni – nor a Yoni that is prone to more issues and diseases. Check labels, research, and switch to something that is Yoni friendly. You’ll feel better, and be thanked by your future self.

“I have a brain and a uterus, and I use both.”

Patricia Schroeder

Peace & Blessings,

L. Organic Cotton & Chlorine-Free Pads, Regular Absorbency with Ultra Thin Design

TOXICITY

March 13, 2019March 13, 2019Sex & The City, WellnessLeave a Comment

Toxicity, the quality of being toxic or poisonous. Sometimes we ignore the signs of toxicity in our own life. Maybe because we’re blinded emotionally or financially. A lot of the time we push ourselves to be better or to fix our self in a toxic situation. What can I do to fix this? Or, I need to change this about myself. When in actuality, it’s not you. It’s the situation you’re in. You can be in a toxic friendship, relationship, or even have toxic people constantly around you (yes, even family members can be toxic). Maybe it’s your job, because that can also play a big part in affecting your lifestyle in relation to toxicity. Yet we stay in these situations for multiple reasons including money, to be financially stable, to refrain from loneliness, expectations that a person will change, to have someone to care for and love, or to just have someone or something you can have possession of. Those may seem like valid reasons, but they shouldn’t be. It’s draining you of your happiness, or maybe you’re the one doing the draining.

Financially,

Yes, you need that sh*t a** job because you have bills, a car, family etc. That’s all fine, but are you bringing home that dreadfulness from work to your family? Is it affecting your lifestyle? Most likely it is. You’re unhappy, and your aura is negative. Sometimes we have to make the best of the situation or get the hell out. Nobody wants to be around that complaining 24/7, you can keep all that negative energy to yourself or practice ways of ridding it from your daily routine (like working out after work, drawing, or meditating). Granted, we all complain, that’s a given. If you come home in a bad mood, every single day – that’s an issue beloved. The job market right now is trash or nobody wants to give you a chance (even with a degree). But this is only one phase of your life. You can’t keep giving up just because where you are now is “paying the bills”. Stop settling. Not everyone has the privilege of being grandfathered into a company or field. Keep an open mind and stop spreading that negativity. It’s not going to make you feel any better if YOU aren’t doing anything about it. If you are doing something about it, have patience. It may come the next day, or it may come in 6 months. Its the perspective you have and how you speak it into existence.

Emotionally,

Now whether it is a friendship or a significant other, we sometimes look past the bad and keep them in a little ball of sunshine. Things they say may hurt our feelings, and we continue to stay in relations because “maybe they are just having a bad day”. Yet those bad days happen pretty often. Maybe they make you feel insecure, in denial, emotional, or even crazy. That my friend is a toxic situation. BUT, you stay because eventually it balances out and they do something that makes you extremely happy or pleased, they then apologize or snap back into a better mood. Mood swings happen with people, it’s understandable (sh*t pisses us off). It shouldn’t happen often with someone you love (including your friends and family). Words are one of the strongest weapons. If all someone says to you is in a negative light, stop interacting with that person, or bring it to your own attention. Stop dusting it under the rug – take note that this person is lowkey hurting you. Even if it’s the slightest things like “wow you’re breaking out really bad”. Now I’m not saying just this alone is toxic, but if they’re constantly putting you down – that’s a no-no. First, never let anyone disrespect you. Especially in a relationship, we are equal. You give respect you get respect. Second, realize when a person is taking advantage of you, in all relationships. Whether if they put pity on themselves and make you feel bad (because you’re a good person). Don’t fall for that “poor me syndrome“, it’s fraud beloved. If you were to look at the situation from another perspective, would you want your friend going through that? Would you think it’s logical? Or are you just being a dummy? Be real. We’ve all been in that dummy position before, but it’s time to get out if you’re still there. It’s not worth it, leave.

We get stuck with people because of comfort, company, and time. There are people we’ve known for a few years, bonded with, grew up with, or maybe have known them all of our life. We grow up, we evolve and we change. It’s up to you to leave or distance yourself for a while. You might notice a difference, and if you do…then that toxicity has left with that person. Another category is someone who keeps you company. You don’t want to be lonely so you keep this person around, even if it’s toxic and unhealthy. Maybe you can vent to this person, or someone you stay on the phone with while you both do different things without even really speaking. Yet this person always seems to bring you down or test your patience. You have a gut feeling knowing it isn’t going to go anywhere, but they keep you company. All company is not good company. It’s also a waste of time, and wasted time is toxic. Last we have comfort. We become so used to having this person around, you become totally oblivious to things they say to you and you start to accept it as “oh that’s just how they are”. No. Don’t let love, love of a friend, spouse, or family member – make you blind to the fact that you are being treated like sh*t and it’s affecting your happiness and emotions. Again, this goes with letting others alter your mood. You may think you’re fine, but subconsciously – are you really? You’re so used to it, you blame it on yourself. Maybe you’re texting them too much, maybe they need their space, or maybe you should put the shoe on the other foot. If you were to treat them the way they treated you, how would they react? They most definitely would see a difference, and they probably wouldn’t like it. Now I’m not here to give advice, and I’ve said this before. I’ve gone through situations and I’m still in the midst of going through these situations. Realizing toxicity can be the wake-up call that your mind and spirit is craving for. Once you let go and rid all that negativity out of your life, you’re going to feel like you drank a mug full of flat tummy tea ( I don’t know what that feels like but I’m guessing it leaves you feeling cleansed right?).

If you take anything from this post, I hope you realize whether or not if you are in a toxic relationship/situation with a friend, cousin, co-worker, boyfriend, girlfriend – whomever! OR, if you’re the toxic one. Just know, it’s OK to distance yourself. It’s also OK to leave completely and evolve into a happier person. Listen man, keep anything toxic out of your life. People, food, deodorant, ALL OF IT.

Keep that same energy
–

Peace & Blessings,

DATING IS JADED

February 27, 2019March 29, 2019Sex & The CityLeave a Comment

Dating, wherein this generation you don’t know if you’re dating, talking, talk-talking, or in a relationship. For most of us, we’re in a situationship or something that’s complicated. It’s to the point where for me, it’s just getting annoying. This continuous cycle that leads us nowhere is frustrating more than annoying. Yes, you meet people and make the most out of it but dang how many times are we supposed to do that? You meet someone who captures your attention, you talk for a few, get to know each other, go out on dates (if that), continue to talk and get reeled in and now you’re about 6/7 months deep into this situationship. Now, at this point is where things usually start to get funky because it’s like, are we together? Are we working toward something? What the hell is going on!? Ah, but you don’t want to be the one to start that “what are we” convo which will most likely lead to an argument. Then somewhere down the line, those arguments start to become more persistent and he vehemently says “but you’re not my girlfriend“. Ahh yes, the famous lines in a complicated situation.

Ladies tend to put their everything into a man who they potentially see themselves with for the long run. To grow with, pray with, and build with (like in the movies). You play the girlfriend role, and your ‘other’ may play the reverse role to fool you into thinking, hmm could this be something. Men expect us to be their girlfriend without being their girlfriend, or use the excuse of “why do we have to put titles on us“. Well, why not? If you act accordingly, call it what it is. My girlfriends and I have conversations pertaining to this topic constantly, mainly because we’re all going through some form of this bullsh*t. Nobody wants to keep pouring their heart into different people, which is why dating is overall jaded. But then I think to myself, if you try to hold back, you’re not yourself, you have a guard up and you just don’t have as much interest or energy to put into this potential person who may actually be worth it.

The sad thing about this is that it’s normalized so much that we are desensitized to how stupid it actually sounds. If you have close relations with the ones who’ve raised you and you try to explain what ‘talking’ is, they look at you with their face twisted up in puzzlement, because it sounds stupid beloved. I’m to the point where I just need to be alone until my potential partner either falls out of the sky or accidentally grabs the same box of organic green tea as me in the supermarket (like in that Black People Meet commercial). Can a girl dream? But in all seriousness, it’s not only annoying for us who do just want to be with one person (because that’s also another issue) but is annoying to be at the age where others (relatives) expect you to have someone in your life by now. “Any boyfriends?” First of all, I can’t even get one never mind the ‘S’ on the end for two. I think that the older generation asks these questions because way back when they were in their 20’s, they were already married with 5 kids and a home. I’ll pass on that right now while I ~~defer~~ pay off these student loans honey.

Those questions make you feel like something is wrong with you, let alone not having a man want to commit also makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you. As much as they stress to you that everything is great and it’s not you but, they’re just not ready for something serious. Yeah yeah yeah, continuously hearing this over and over makes you dive back into that feeling of insecurity. Granted, they may not be ready for something serious. It’s hard to exit a persons life when you’ve already invested so much into them to the point that you give them that leeway to come back for when they ARE ready. Investing in people is just as important as investing in money, by the way. Anyway, in the process of waiting for them, you still have no idea if they’re going to turn around and be with you or find someone else. Which leads me to time being wasted and the game of chance. And that’s the cycle, the cycle that’s irritating and repetitive.

You do know the problem really isn’t you, it’s actually the other person, right? It’s their problem they can’t commit, that they have insecurities, and that they can’t be monogamous. Although dating is irritating, focus on yourself at all times and be as selfish as you can with your time and your efforts. Until someone comes around earning the unconditional amount of care you offer, then fine. I’m still going through the trials and errors myself so I can’t give you advice, but I can tell you that you’re not the only one dealing with this tomfoolery. Don’t let social media brainwash you into thinking everyone is relationship goals or everyone is in a relationship period, and yet you’re the only one single dealing with incognito emotionally unstable clowns. Social media is not the answer so stop comparing. Honey, there are 7.5 billion people in this world and you have 2,000 Instagram followers (or maybe more but Beyoncé doesn’t even have 7.5 billion so chill). As impatient that you are and as annoyed you may be, you can only control what you can control. Focus on you and better yourself, especially if you have your own set of issues that you need to work on. You can always be better than who you already are. GROWTH beloved!!!

Peace & Blessings,

20-SOMETHING

February 26, 2019March 29, 2019Sex & The CityLeave a Comment

There’s something about being in your 20’s. It’s like you want to have it all together (and are sometimes expected to have it all together) but you also are falling apart faster than a game of Jenga. From surviving college and trying to live your best life, while handing in a 15-page paper the next morning that you just started a day ago (procrastination at it’s finest,) to graduating and trying to find a job. I’ve heard this a million times but your 20’s are for f*ck up’s and hiccups. You learn tons of lessons, meet people, lose people, find yourself, lose yourself, and find yourself again. While going through the phases of life, growing up spiritually, paying bills, adulting, and just trying to stand up on your own while balancing fun and friends…it gets overwhelming. Granted, some people have been holding themselves up since they were teens, which a lot of us, for the most part, have used to our advantage.

I’m not seasoned in my 20’s, I’m still in the early chapter. But honey, it’s already been a journey. You really have to make the most of it. Aside from being broke, make the attempt to take trips and travel! Now I know, “how am I going to travel if I don’t have any money.” That’s a good point. I’m not saying travel to Europe and rent a Ferarri BUT just go somewhere, maybe in a surrounding state. A lot of the time we’re comparing ourselves to what we see online or maybe our peers who are “pump faking” [When a person’s actions give the illusion of doing one thing when their intent is another (via urban dictionary)]. It’s hard to do merely because we all want to be great, make money, travel, look good, feel good, be in love, and be mentally and physically wealthy because that’s what we see and that’s what our society has drilled into our minds. As millennials, I feel we’re always trying to prove ourselves more than the average person. Whether if we have to jump through hoops, do a cartwheel and land in a handstand; we will do it TWICE. Catch my drift? Now if we didn’t do it twice, there would be some form of judgment, because…. society.

A lot weighs on our shoulders and honestly, for me I’m always overwhelmed. I’m always trying to map my life out and put things where I feel they are supposed to be and yet it never works out that way (on rare occasion do my plans go as planned) but for the most part, I end up in a completely different space. I’ve learned from a friend to control what you can control. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t still put the work in. Without work nothing will happen, it’s not going to just fall into your lap (no sweetie, it doesn’t work like that).

So anything you do in this life, enjoy it, make the most out of it, take risks, be uncomfortable, and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. At this age, make as many mistakes as you can, learn how to handle and resolve them, then keep it pushing! There’s nothing you can do to control it, just turn it into a positive and apply it to your wisdom. You’ll probably use it again sometime later on in life (or next week). I know it can be a wave of confusion and also frustration, I’m going through those waves now and probably for the next 6 years I’ll still be going through these waves. BUT, I’ll make sure I have a surfboard to make the best of it. It’s all about mindset because the world is at our fingertips.

Peace & Blessings,

CARE 4 YOU

February 21, 2019February 26, 2019Sex & The City, WellnessLeave a Comment

Caring for yourself is something we tend to steer away from because we often end up caring for another person more than ourselves (which is a no-no). It may seem to come naturally for most of us, myself included. We also (as women) tend to rely on someone else for our happiness or let another person have control of our mood/energy (another no-no). I had the time to really sit down and think about this because I had recently let someone alter my own mood by them not being present in my life. That is something I wanted to work on and change immediately because I am NOT going to let anyone else be in control of ME. I’m a physical kind of person, that being said – I pulled out my journal and made a list. A list of things to get done in order to get me out of this ‘energy funk‘. My daily meditation wasn’t working the way I wanted it to, let me just throw that in there. So now honey, the list.

I wrote down things I wanted to do more often, and things that ultimately made me happy. I also wrote down things I wanted to manifest for the year. From there I went to Pinterest and began to make vision boards for almost everything (because you can really get carried away on Pinterest). I joined a weekly yoga class to help relax and get me out of the house (which by the way was the best decision I’ve made this year). I added a face mask into my daily skincare routine (which can get really annoying when you come home from work and just want to sprawl out on your bed) BUT I made it happen. Lastly, I began to read and listen to podcasts more. Reading for me can sometimes be hard. Not hard as in “I can’t read” LOL, I just tend to find myself getting extremely tired when reading after work or when I first wake up in the morning. Which is why I decided to go the Podcast route. I began listening to informative podcasts that you can be entertained with but also gain knowledge simultaneously.

So that actually wasn’t the last thing (oops) but, I started to apply the “Screen Time” feature on my iPhone to help me manage my time on Social Media. As millennials, we are addicted to our phones and devices. There’s no way around it. So spending less time on social media is number one on my list. Which can be hard when you’re extremely active on social media or if you’re an influencer (because that’s your job sis). Minimizing your time on social media and filling that space with some form of productivity will make a huge difference. Make use of the screen time feature!

Sticking to these small changes have really altered my life in a positive way because 1. I’m so much happier, internally happy, without relying on someone to make me happy and 2. My skin is glowing honey! You can never go wrong when you’re glowing because that just adds to the happiness. You feel good when you look good! Thus, if you take anything from this post, ask yourself if you’re happy. If the answer is no, change it. I understand we all have “one of them daysss” *Monica voice* but as for overall happiness, try something different and get out of your comfort zone. Don’t forget how important your mental health is and how important YOU are.

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

Peace & Blessings